How was I to know not all labours have a happy ever after

By | June 12, 2016

Its my sons birthday today and each year I remember that birthday 24 years ago, I was busying myself trying to ignore the niggling labour pains, how was I to know that the next 24 hours were going to change my life in ways I could never imagine. It was my sons birthday and having 2 children already I knew that my labours were a lengthy process, so stayed home until it was definitely (or so I thought) time to go in, how was I to know have a happy ever after.

I arrived at the brand new maternity ward around 4 in the afternoon and explained my first pains were about 30 hours ago and were now 2 minutes apart, after being examined I was told I wasn’t actually in labour ? Hello I have given birth twice, I know when I am in labour. I tried to explain what had happened with my second labour, similar situation, back pain not showing contractions on monitor, that time I had attended the hospital when I believed the labour was advanced to avoid the nightmare  of my first delivery where I spent 7 hours in the delivery suite. I was told then I was not in labour, given a sleeping tablet and paracetamol then after pacing the ward for a further 2 hours, was examined by a good old fashioned midwife, I will always remember her  words to the nurse ” when I rupture the membranes the birth will be imminent” and she wasn’t wrong, 3 minutes after arriving in the delivery suite my daughter was born. The cord was wrapped around her neck and she spent 10 days in SCBU, a scary time with all sorts of tests but in the end, she was fine luckily.

I explained the whole previous situation and they went off to read my notes, which just read, normal delivery nothing about the issues, nothing to say for some odd reason my labour does not show on the monitor, I had a feeling of dejavu, and it was making me nervous, by this time the contractions were extremely painful.

The midwife was friendly and chatty and couldn’t wait to finish work to enjoy a lager with her friends in the glorious sunshine, a little before she left she broke my waters, I was so relieved and believed the birth would be imminent again, when that wasn’t the case I began to feel even more nervous. They had established the baby was back to back, I had never heard of this so did not realise the implications, or how much more painful it was a netmums post makes you realise how problematic this type of birth usually is, which more often that not results in a section, but as yet there was no mention of anything except a normal delivery.

After the staff change over and the catch up time the staff  had in the corridor a new midwife appeared, she didn’t like the way the labour was progressing so called a doc, at about 19.30 a doctor looked around the door and was told what was happening, they never actually came anywhere near me, but decided to continue for a short time before any further action be taken. I really wish I knew then what I know now, instead of being my usual accommodating pleasant self I would have been up off the bed dragging them in, there was evidence the baby had opened her bowels which is a clear sign of distress that often results in serious damage even death and should not be ignored, I have also learned that after a doctor believes there are signs of distress, delivery should be in less than 20 mins, god how I wish I knew that then.

The evening progressed in a haze of pain and being barked at by the midwife who just thought I was being a baby, I never show my pain, I never let out as much as a yelp in delivery. By about midnight at the end of every contraction my whole body convulsed, I had no control over it, i was visibly jerking, I was terrified and could see the look of sheer terror on my partners face, I distinctly remember  making eye contact with the midwife, she could see what was happening  but quickly averted her eyes, I knew that was wrong but still, like an absolute idiot i didn’t want to make too much fuss. The cold cow  was rarely even in the room and when she was she didn’t seem to bothered, eventually she requested a doctor attend,

The doctor arrived at 12.50 and was not very pleased that I was still there, she assumed, as she had not been called that I had delivered. She examined me, called for a neonatal crash team and briefly explained there was an anterior cervix lip, preventing the delivery. describes this as ‘Basically, this term means that you’re fully dilated, but an edge of your cervix (usually the anterior — or front — of the cervix) is a little bit swollen and is still in the way of baby’s head’.

The doctor believed it was too late for a section, the baby needed to be born immediately so as the next contraction took hold, the midwife held the lip back with her finger, in just that one push the babies head was delivered, within less than a minute she was born. she was the weirdest blueish black colour, and was very floppy, but was incredibly beautiful with a full head of black hair,  a little after they took her out of site I heard her, she was croaking like a frog, I stupidly thought this was good, I felt relieved that everything was going to be ok, wow I was so naive and delusional, it never entered my head that her beautiful little brain had been so badly damaged by what I can only describe as a bunch of useless neglectful bastards.

I was very optimistic I stupidly assumed it would be a similar situation, we would be in for a few extra days then home to settle into a routine, I couldn’t have been more wrong, my world would never ever be the same again, I was about to take my seat on the biggest roller coaster of emotions, that would turn my whole life upside down. In 24 years I have never fully talked about this whole section of my life with anyone, I have the odd third party kind of conversations, where I relay the events in a very monotone robot kind of way, no emotion involved, so even writing this much about MY personal experience is a strain, plus there is so much more to say, so I will continue a different day 🙁

10 thoughts on “How was I to know not all labours have a happy ever after

  1. laura dove

    Oh gosh my heart just broke reading this, I can only imagine how utterly awful this was for you and now I am wondering what happened next. My son was stillborn at full term so on some level I can relate to this, I was very naïve and assumed that all pregnancies led to a baby, how wrong I was. Much love to you. #bigpinklink

    1. admin Post author

      So sorry got your loss, I suppose we have to have hope, I have started writing about what happened next, but I have bottled it all for so long its really hard to share, thank you for your comment xx

  2. Jess Powell (Babi a Fi)

    My heart was in my mouth all the way through this – I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you to write, let alone live through.

    I was so panicky all through the last stages of pregnancy and, though I don’t exactly believe in fate or foreshadowing or whatever, it was like I just knew something was going to go wrong. Thankfully I had a doctor who acted fast, but it makes me so angry how to think how I – and so many others – kept getting fobbed off instead of being taken seriously. x #bigpinklink

    1. admin Post author

      Timing is the key, I am glad things turned out well for you, my daughter has 6 children and there have been lots of issues along the way but as you can imagine I demand attention now, s luckily they are all fit and healthy xx

  3. Squirmy Popple

    I can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through such a traumatic birth experience. Birth is never easy, but you always expect to have a healthy baby at the end of it. My heart goes out to you. #bigpinklink

    1. admin Post author

      thank you, a long time ago but always with me xx

  4. Ellen

    Oh I really feel for you -I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been. I am so sad the medical staff didn’t help you more. I hope writing about it hasn’t been too painful for you. I think it’s really brave to share your story. #bigpinklink

  5. This Mum's Life

    I’m so, so sorry for everything that you went through during this terrible experience… My heart goes out to you, and nobody should have to go through this. There sounds like there was a lack of communication between the staff, and not enough interaction with you, to really understand how you were feeling and get a real picture of what was going on. I can’t even imagine how you deal with these memories every day, and you are very brave to share this story with us. I hope writing it down will help you work through your feelings a little. Xx


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