Get to know me a little better

By | February 3, 2016

Get to know me a little better :

The last five years of my life has seen the most drastic changes in me personally than any other stage of my life, which has caused me to make an impromptu bucket list, basically an idea pops into my head and I make it happen.

After more than a decade in a haze of grief, after losing my beautiful 5 month daughter, where I basically took life one breath at a time, not even able to see as far as one day at a time, just functioning not feeling or caring, when I lost my beautiful somewhat crazy mother while on holidays in my dream place Orlando, obviously my life was turned upside down. We landed in Gatwick to a text, ‘sorry to hear about your mother’ she had died 3 days before but my family thought it best to let me get home before telling me, I wouldn’t have got home any quicker if I had known, so I think they made the right choice. Travelling back from Gatwick on the coach with 3 children was hell on earth, I wanted to yelp like a wounded dog, but had to keep it together for the children, my poor daughter was so brave she was my rock on my way home, which resulting in her developing Bell’s Palsy, I didn’t even notice her face drooping until my nephew pointed it out after the funeral, it was so hard watching her in pain, I never realised how bad Bell’s Palsy was until we had to tape her eye shut for her to sleep.

For several weeks later I felt weak and dizzy I put it down to grief. I woke one night struggling to breath with an excruciating pain in my back. as it was the middle of the night I didn’t want to disturb anyone so took painkillers and sleeping tablets and went back to sleep. I slept pretty much 3 days just drifting in and out of consciousness, every time I woke my partner asked should he get a doctor, I can’t believe he actually listened when I said no. I was nagged for 2 weeks after that to go to the doctor, I eventually gave in and was sent for x-rays and to get bloods taken, the results took about 3 weeks, and I was sent immediately to the hospital day unit, where they did more tests and tried to keep me in, I was ill a month before, no way I was staying there now. When I eventually saw a consultant he was looking at me as if I had horns in my head, he showed me a cloudy X Ray with a black area, apparently it was pneumonia and the black area was evidence of a lung collapse, which was obviously the pain in the night. The consultant constantly repeated how lucky I was to have survived and how silly I had been for not seeking attention. These events seemed to have an effect on me mentally, i realised life wasn’t a rehearsal, you get one chance, so at 49 after years of depression from I decided it was my time.

I decided to go back into education, but at my age there was no time to go through all the college process to gain access to uni, so I added up my options and decided I knew enough about business to sell myself to a course tutor, which is exactly what I did, 2 years later I had a foundation degree and student of the year award, I then went directly onto year 2 of a marketing Hons. Where I found my passion for PR and my voice for complaining, We had a very colourful tutor who really inspired me to seek good service, after all you are paying it, he planted 2 phrases into my brain which I have used on several occasions since “Not fit for purpose” and “Failure in the overall duty of care” these seem to be my mantra and many of my blogs will be about situations where i genuinely  thought there was a need for these words.